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Does it Really Matter?

Does it Really Matter? – Andrea Leavitt

One question I have pondered personally and been asked professionally is, “Does it Really Matter?”  This question often comes from someone whose elder family member or friend has lost physical and/or mental capacity.  They are not the same person we once knew.

We wonder –

Do the interactions that used to matter still matter?Matter Quote

Does my loved one know it’s me?

Does my presence matter?

These scenarios are awkward and can be uncomfortable.  The ill person can’t or doesn’t respond the way they would have in the past.  Maybe they are actively dying or absorbed in a debilitating disease and unable to respond.

Does my presence or my actions matter?  How do I deal with the discomfort of the moment?

Comforting words, Touch and Music are some foundations for interactions like these.  They bring meaning, warmth and connection.

There are terrific resources available on this topic.

My favorite is the following video of Naomi Feil & Gladys Wilson from the documentary There is a Bridge.

 

The short answer to the question – “Does it Really Matter?” is Yes.  Whatever you bring to the elder – brief or lingering, matters.

It all matters.

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2 Responses to “Does it Really Matter?”


  • Pamela H / / Reply

    Recently my Dad died from Alzheimer’s. There are moments I thought it didn’t and then he would share a part of himself I never would of seen as a daughter. I spent time with him walking in the park and he would tell me he thought it was so nice they brought in such colorful trees and planted them so we would have so much color. I learned to let go of who I was to him and who he was to me and just be present to him. This allowed him to stay calm. He was right. No need to argue. And that made it so he could just share his thoughts. I got to see his kindness he never showed before his dementia.
    I got to hold his hand and tell him to stop breathing as he passed away. I never would have been able to do that if I didn’t let go of our relationship and have a new one with him every time I went to visit.
    Thank you for doing what you do.


    • admin / / Reply

      Pamela, what wisdom you developed to treasure the journey and what a blessing for your father to have a daughter with such love and grace. To let go made room for something new. All the best, AgeWise


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Testimonials

“AgeWise staff have been a delight to work with for a number of years. They have been integral team members in caring for four senior adults in my family. They have dealt with difficult situations with intelligence and sensitivity. We know we can count on them to assess needs ranging from Alzheimer's care to end of life issues and help provide compassionate solutions. AgeWise staff have gone above and beyond to assist my family.”
2015-08-30T22:42:03+00:00
“AgeWise staff have been a delight to work with for a number of years. They have been integral team members in caring for four senior adults in my family. They have dealt with difficult situations with intelligence and sensitivity. We know we can count on them to assess needs ranging from Alzheimer's care to end of life issues and help provide compassionate solutions. AgeWise staff have gone above and beyond to assist my family.”
“AgeWise has the gift of striking just the correct and proper balance between caring, being your client's advocate, and yet effecting change in a professional manner for the children who live at a distance.“
2015-08-30T22:40:53+00:00
“AgeWise has the gift of striking just the correct and proper balance between caring, being your client's advocate, and yet effecting change in a professional manner for the children who live at a distance.“
“… is very competent, goes the extra mile and very dependable which is hard to find.”
2015-08-30T22:39:44+00:00
“… is very competent, goes the extra mile and very dependable which is hard to find.”
“I’ve worked closely with the AgeWise team in my role as private duty care manager/Apartment nurse at a retirement community. Because of the competent and compassionate service they provide, I highly recommend them to you and would personally use them if my family member needed care management.”
2015-08-30T22:42:39+00:00
“I’ve worked closely with the AgeWise team in my role as private duty care manager/Apartment nurse at a retirement community. Because of the competent and compassionate service they provide, I highly recommend them to you and would personally use them if my family member needed care management.”
“I highly respect her for her kindness, diligence, intelligence, resourcefulness, courage, and just plain hard work. I do not know where I would be without her. I would recommend AgeWise with high honors.”
2015-08-30T22:41:24+00:00
“I highly respect her for her kindness, diligence, intelligence, resourcefulness, courage, and just plain hard work. I do not know where I would be without her. I would recommend AgeWise with high honors.”
“Again, I am so impressed with the services you are offering and the way you impact lives. You have a calming, caring, confident, and very real spirit that makes the difficult conversations easier. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
2015-08-30T22:44:59+00:00
“Again, I am so impressed with the services you are offering and the way you impact lives. You have a calming, caring, confident, and very real spirit that makes the difficult conversations easier. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“Thanks for the input, it was great. I really appreciated what you had to share and I believe we all found it valuable. It got us going in the right direction.”
2015-08-30T22:43:12+00:00
“Thanks for the input, it was great. I really appreciated what you had to share and I believe we all found it valuable. It got us going in the right direction.”
“AgeWise was a godsend. They are very knowledgeable and skilled in working with people with mental health issues. She did a super job holding my family member's and my hand throughout the process. She was very sensitive to managing the cost of her services and at the same time delivered excellent value. AgeWise exceeded my expectations.”
2015-08-30T22:40:16+00:00
“AgeWise was a godsend. They are very knowledgeable and skilled in working with people with mental health issues. She did a super job holding my family member's and my hand throughout the process. She was very sensitive to managing the cost of her services and at the same time delivered excellent value. AgeWise exceeded my expectations.”